infj | ravenclaw | athena kid | frustrated disney princess
A note from Lili (lililibird)
Hello, everyone!
I’m not sure where exactly I should be starting; but I do know that I owe you all some explanation.
Some things in my life recently have been…very difficult for me to process. Like a lot of you, I used Tumblr as an escape from the everyday. Recently though, I took it much too far.
A few weeks ago, my dad passed away. It was unexpected and has - without a doubt - been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life. My life has thankfully had a definitive lack of tragedies, and I honestly haven’t had to learn to deal with loss that hurts more than losing a childhood pet.
I used Tumblr, not as a way to cope or talk about my feelings; but as a way to pretend it had never happened. Lililibird never stopped having a dad, but I did. It became a very unhealthy situation, as you can imagine. I used this blog as a way to deny the loss in my life; and I (very much so) became addicted to just…existing within Tumblr. A moment of clarity tonight made me realize how horribly unhealthy it was.
So I deleted the blog before I had a chance to rethink it. (I also removed my Fanfiction, Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram.) I had been considering cutting ties with the ‘fandom life’ for nearly two months at this point, and I have no healthy desire (beyond friendships formed) to stay.
I do not plan on returning. I had a crazy amount of fun finding my way within this fandom, and meeting some of the best people to (probably) ever exist. I am thankful for each and every one of you, and every second that was spent turning this community into another home for myself. Tumblr and Fanfiction were the entirety of my high school social life for years after I left the public schooling system. There were many days and even weeks where the only people I spoke to were via this site. For that, I am forever grateful.
I cannot express how much this experience on this site has truly changed me. Before the Percy Jackson fandom, I was a completely different person. This blog has genuinely shaped me in ways I cannot even comprehend. I really want to thank you all for that, for making my attempts to be a better person successful; and it was largely due to the positivity I received on this very site.
My sincerest apologies to those who I selfishly abandoned all at once. It honestly had nothing to do with any of you - if I could have you as friends in my day-to-day life, I’d take you without a doubt. (I am also sorry to @riptidescap whom I promised to beta a story for yesterday, and to the @pjoawards2k16 staff who now have three nomination slots to fill up.)
I wish I was in a place where I could have prepared myself for my account deletion, and sent each one of you a personal message like you deserved. However, I know for a fact I would have never left. I know, I’m a coward - but I know I’m not taking much from your lives by leaving; and hope that, if you’re angry with me, you can forgive me for leaving so abruptly.
I’d also just like to say that I will be okay. I’m not suicidal, I’m not dealing with any depression besides grief, I haven’t acted out in any ways but this one, and I have a great and loving support system within my family as I move forward from this.
Thank you all so much for making this time so precious to me. Thank you to @percyyoulittleshit, for giving me the opportunity for this closure. Thank you to @bananannabeth for being the best wife any sixteen year old straight girl could ever ask for. Thank you to @son-of-rome, @blackjacktheboss, @falloutpercy, @somethingmorecreative1, @scriptorsapiens, @zoenightstars, @ishelmascarinas, @maireep, @cinderdrilla @hamabee and @ofswordsandpens for quite literally being the best friends and fandom tour guides I could have ever asked for. I’m sure I’ll think of plenty AUs in the future that I’ll wish I could tell you about!
IMPORTANT NOTE: For the rest of you, thank you for caring about me in a way I never thought possible. However, please do not bother my friends on this site for information about me. They know just as much as you do, and I’d like for my exit from the fandom to be as quiet and painless as possible for all of us.
I wish you all the very best. Remember that I adore you all and hope that you achieve everything you’ve ever dreamed of as time goes on! I hope I brought even the slightest bit of happiness to your lives with my blog! Stay amazing and thrive, lovelies!
But, for once, I’m not looking back;
Delilah (AKA lililibird)